


Starting Over

by lena-in-a-red-dress (CSIGurlie07)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Episode Tag, F/M, Guardiancorp, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:01:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23950501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CSIGurlie07/pseuds/lena-in-a-red-dress
Summary: After James is released from the hospital, he goes right back in-- this time, as a visitor. (4x17 episode tag)
Relationships: Lena Luthor/James "Jimmy" Olsen
Kudos: 10





	Starting Over

Lena wakes to a burning chest and throat, and the sight of James Olsen seated at her bedside.

“What are you doing here?”

She tries not to care about the hurt that flashes across his face before his lips spread into a smile.

“Well, when I hear that the woman who saved my life had been admitted to the same hospital I was being discharged from, I figured seeing you was a good use of my newfound freedom.”

Guilt writhes low in her stomach. Saving a life doesn’t count when she was the reason it was in danger in the first please.

“Yeah, well…” Her voice croaks in her throat. “I owed you.”

Lena can feel the tears rising to her eyes. She needs him to leave, to not be here when the waterworks inevitably starts. _Boxes._ Put it away. Not now. Deal later.

It doesn’t work.

Not when James only leans closer, resting his forearms against the mattress and bringing his hands just shy of hers.

“Don’t do that,” he says quietly. “Don’t pretend it didn’t mean anything. You saved my life, Lena. The serum… it shouldn’t have worked, it was too soon. But you made it happen anyway–”

“Just stop.” Lena shakes her head. “Stop, you don’t– you don’t know–”

_Put it away._ Not now, not now…

James looks at her with a depth that suggests he does know everything after all. “Does it have anything to do with the real reason you picked that fight in the car?”

For a moment, Lena’s heart nearly stops. James’ hands curl around hers, and doesn’t release at her feeble attempt to pull away.

“Nothing about that night makes sense. Because I know you, Lena. You would never invite the government into your research. Not with a project like this. And you knew I wouldn’t agree with it either, and I think that’s why you told me.”

Lena turns her gaze to the ceiling, blinking the burn from her eyes.

“There were other red flags too, when I had time to look back on it. You were antsy that morning, and then the trip to Paris…”

Lena doesn’t respond.

“Were you being threatened?” James asks. “Blackmailed?

"N-no…”

“Did it have something to do with me? Is that why you pushed me away? To keep me safe?”

When she blinks, the tears fall, and so do Lena’s walls.

“It was Lex,” she whispers.

“Lex threatened you?”

“No,” Lena sniffs. God, she almost wishes he had. “No, he was sick. Just sick. That morning– I got word from the prison. End stage cancer.”

James’ hands slip away from her skin as he sat back in his seat. “Oh.” He doesn’t quite look at her. “And your research…”

“It was the only way to save him.”

Lena’s chest constricts painfully. She’d been ready to move heaven and earth for Lex, just to give him more time. Time to what? Stare at a prison wall for another forty years, until death came for him anyway?

She looks at James. She can’t read anything from his expression, but the lack of eye contact speaks its own volumes.

“I know what he did to you, James,” she whispers. And there, there his eyes are, deep and unfathomable. “Thats why I pushed you away. Because I’m a coward, because I couldn’t bear to see your face when you found out that I saved the life of the man who has done so much to hurt you.”

Lena coughs out a wet laugh. “And the truth is– you would have been right. I knew it then and I still– and now you’re hurt, because of me.”

“You didn’t shoot me.”

“I might as well have put the gun in Eve’s hand myself. He needed me motivated and targeted the person I care most about. It is my fault.”

The room falls quiet as Lena runs out of breath, and tears. She scrubs her eyes, chest heaving for air and calm it can’t quite find. It’s long moments before James looks up again.

“Do you remember the night I told you Supergirl asked Guardian to break into your lab?” he asks.

The non-sequitor takes Lena aback. Her jaw works soundlessly, unable to form a response.

“I told you the truth about Guardian, and you told me the truth about the Kryptonite. I’ve been thinking about that night a lot recently. About the trust we had. Trust we don’t have anymore.”

Lena sniffles. “That’s not what–”

“It is,” James insists gently. He retakes her hand, caressing her skin with more care than she deserves. “You didn’t trust me to trust you. And that’s on me.”

Lena blinks, a new lump lodging in her throat.

“I didn’t trust you with the ADA. And I dismissed your concerns about Guardian and the Children of Liberty, and I’m sorry for that. Truly. You deserved better than that from me.”

“James…”

This isn’t what’s supposed to happen. Lena expected cursing, silence, more accusations, and she would have weathered them all. She doesn’t know what to do with– this.

“Your brother is a monster,” he continues. “He has done too much hurt for me to be anything but glad whenever he does kick the bucket, and I know I won’t be the only one. But I also know you, Lena Luthor. And I know that if there was even a glimmer of a chance to save your brother, you would try. That’s just who you are, and I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

He lifts Lena’s hand to his lips, and Lena suddenly comes back to herself. “No. Don’t–don’t make excuses for me, James. I’m not– I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”

“Lena… do you know why I was still in the office? The night Supergirl found me?”

Lena shakes her head, chin trembling.

“I was almost out the door when the phone rang,” he tells her. “I almost ignored it, but then a little voice in the back of my mind wondered… what if it’s Lena?”

Fresh tears fill her eyes, warping her vision. “James…”

“I’ve missed you so much,” he continues, squeezing her hand. “I know we have a lot to get through, before we can get back to the trust we had on the balcony that night, but– I’m prepared to try. If– if you are.”

The sight of James’ eyes glistening with tears sets the last of Lena’s reticence crumbles away. She nods, breathing through the relief that mingles with her anguish.

“Okay.”

When James’ arms wrap around her a moment later, they pull a moan from her throat as she sinks into his embrace. She’s missed him too.

This time, she won’t let go.


End file.
